do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
