I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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