i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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