You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
