How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
