i permit you to call me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
