dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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