My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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