you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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