i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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