I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
