life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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