You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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