evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
