you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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