It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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