Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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