We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
