she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
