I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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