cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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