do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
