T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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