He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm at about main and main street
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize