woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
