so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
