I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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