I skipped work to stalk him.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
