She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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