I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
