please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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