no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize