I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
