If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
