Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I would fuck him just for his dog
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
