So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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