Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
