she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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