Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
