So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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