just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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