Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
