The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
high people should be assigned attendants
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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