Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
