Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
