finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize