I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
