standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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