can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
