i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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