Swine flu. Run for my life!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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