I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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