her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
