I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
