You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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