You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
