Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
