I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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