Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
