Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
