In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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