i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dignity is for republicans.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
