Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
