pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
