On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
